SRPA: The Rugby League world was rocked today by 5 seconds of silence from Brisbane Rugby League commentator Dickie “Barracuda” McDagstead. A full 5 seconds’ silence went to air on McDagstead’s watch during the weekend’s Roosters v Broncos match, each second a bombshell to the heart of the proud winter code.

League fans wasted no time lighting up talkback switchboards in disgust. “I had no idea if this encounter was bruising, epic, or just plain huge.” said Broncos fan “Stumpy” Hodges, speaking from the East Brisbane RSL. “I mean, there were things happening, and they weren’t being described in unnecessarily intricate detail. Where was the big call? Where? I’ve never been so scared”.

Retired commentary great Roy “Boomer” Stretchtrouser lamented the modern commentator’s lack of standards, pointing to his 53 year career of uninterrupted incomprehensible drivel. “This Wouldn’t Have Happened in My Day. I Was Being Shelled By Japanese Subs Moored In Sydney Harbor, And Still Shouted ‘Jenkins-Barrington’ 34 Times During A Runaway Intercept Try. These Cowboys Today Have No Idea.”

McDagstead, who may be in breach of his contract with Channel 9, apologised immediately, admitting a dropped sausage roll played a key role in Silencegate. “I Took My Eye Off The Ball” said McDagstead. “Ohhhhhhhhhhh, It’s A Tragedy.”