Well howdy. How’s tricks? LB is officially in the Bakery. She is wandering around as we speak. Well, I say wandering, purposefully striding from one side of my field of view to the other and then back again is more like it, and each time with an object in her hands and place to put it in mind. It’s not a girlfriend any more. She has become a nesting machine. It’s awesome sight to behold. I canceled my plans for the evening to make sure I was here to help. I’m doing nothing. In fact, I’m eating a well buttered, toasted bagel. And watching. But let’s leave LB to her flurry of clothing, fury of dusters and mumblings of storage. There’s dealings afoot.

The more time goes on the more convinced I become that Keano’s going nowhere and the sale of Peter Crouch to Happy Harry’s only adds further credence to the growing sense of warmth. Better still, were the words of Crazy Gus which I received via Twitter from the Yid of the Norf - loving this instant news thing - that ran…

“We can’t afford to let Robbie go. We have lost Jermain Defoe and, hopefully, Dimitar Berbatov will stay. If we lost Robbie it would be too much.”

Whether Gus has any kind say in the matter is another question but I just love his turn of phrase. I’m not sure if he knows how powerful his words are or Spanish is just a very plain and passionate language but he’s dead right. If we lost Robbie, it would be too much.

So, so far so good on Keano. One starts to question whether Dimitar the Great is going to leave as well but as Wolf says in Pulp Fiction, let’s not start sucking each others dicks just yet. In the mean time, the press has been convinced that we’re looking for a replacement in the form of a large Russian with the equally large name of Roman Pavlyuchenko who apparently impressed in the Euros. He did? I remember the Arshavin praise but Roman Pavlyuchenko? It all sounds a bit like we’re after Rebrov when we should be buying Shevchenko.

All the same, we should probably know that Pavlyuchenko is 26 years old, plays for Spartak Moscow, is a sturdy 6′2″ and has a rather impressive goal tally of around one every other game for his club and country. Here’s his head…

…um, yeah. A lot of wrong stuff going on in that one.

The thing is, that maybe that’s the part that counts (not his head). He does just seem to bag them in. I’m not saying the Russian league is that hot but if he can score in whatever game you put him in, then that’s a very good sign. Take a look…

…not the most thrilling footballer but there’s no denying he’s a poacher and, like the best, he just always seems to be there.

The story is that we’ve had a £10m offer rejected by Spartak Moscow and, according to the Mirror, the club general director, Sergei Shavlo said:

“We have received two offers. One of them is from an English team.

“Since it’s not a team playing in European Champions League we are more likely than not to reject their offer.”

And that strikes me as odd on a couple of fronts. Yes, it does look like us - an English team not in the CL, but then there are 16 of those. The odd part is that the club has rejected the offer and not the player. Just because we’re not in the CL, it doesn’t mean that Roman doesn’t want to come to us - not unless he says so. Perhaps he might be attracted by the idea of living in London and all the richness that that entails, such as not spending your winter in -40 degrees C, and playing on snow covered pitches - you know, small things like that, not to mention the money.

If we really do want him - which I am beginning to doubt - then I’m sure we could just add a mill or two and receive a very different response, if at least one from the player himself.

The reason I’m beginning to doubt this offer is because it came from reports in the Mirror, who, I’m very sorry to say, look to have been well wide of the mark on the Chimbondabonda story that popped up yesterday. It seems the red top paper started a bit of a whopper that our bouncing full-back was on the verge of an £8m move to Valencia but not so says sporting director Juan Sanchez.

“We have made no move at all for that player.”

A man of few words but important ones nonetheless.

I’m actually glad it’s not true. As one of the few Bonders appreciaters out there I’m happy to see him stay. Yeah, we’ve got Hutton but Pascal is still good back up and decent defensive cover on the whole. The “I’m sorry to say” was over the loss of the Mirror as a trustworthy source.

Damn it, I hate this no time business. Where did my life go?

The Bentley deal is still on. The only trouble is that Slackburn want £17m. Apparently we’re throwing every player we can at them to soften the blow, from Sergie Bent and Robbo to Little Aaron, and word is that every other club is doing the same. Switch in Liverpool and Pennant, Villa and…whoever they want to get rid of. Somehow, I’ve a feeling it’s a cash only proposition, so here’s a question for you: If Michael Carrick is worth that kind of money, is David Bentley?

Last for today is the fact that we’ve sold Tommy Forecast to the Saint. Ah, and he had such a good name too. Never even got to go “Tommy, what’s the forecast; Tommy, Tommy, what’s the forecast” and the whole host of terrace based weather/name humour.

The deal went through yesterday but it’s been revealed to day that Tommy’s move down south puts and end to our payment for BALE!BALE!BALE!. We’d given them £5m upfront but have no written off the other half of the money. I can see how the deal was too good to refuse. I’d been a little confused after Forecast had admitted that we didn’t want to let him go. Let’s hope it’s not £5m we live to regret.

Enough, enough. I’m going. Adieu.

You wanna see him sprayed all over that bagel, baby? Now where’s the President?

The Bagel.