Football

David Foster Wallace Tennis writing

admin — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 02:21:00 +0000

Bookish types (sportreview.net.nz readers are notoriously literary) will have been sad to hear that David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest writer and a fine journalist, took his life last weekend.

As well as being an all-round shit-hot writer, Wallace was a nationally (US) ranked junior Tennis player, and often wrote features on the sport. Here’s what I could find online:

Roger Federer as religious experience - New York Times

Democracy and Commerce at the US Open - Tennis magazine

Tennis, Trigonometry, Tornadoes: A Midwestern boyhood - Harper’s Magazine (pdf, about 3 MB)

Other DFW stuff:

The Onion chips in with NASCAR Cancels Remainder Of Season Following David Foster Wallace’s Death

Get your Enfield Tennis Academy t-shirt

Ryder Cup high five report

admin — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 11:02:00 +0000

I’ve enjoyed the Ryder Cup golf the last two mornings. It’s real tense, with the kind of pressure that makes players want to vomit over two foot putts. Vomit REALLY messes up your line.

But if you want a laugh, watch the high fives. Normally the domain of Basketball players and West Indian fast bowlers, in the Ryder Cup every putt, drive, muesli bar, chip, or bunker shot gets a hand-slap more awkward than a Stephen Hawking breakdance. Try as they might, the Europeans are crap high fivers - at the end of the Poulter/McDowell match, there was a conspicuous miss. Ouch.

On the American team, Anthony Kim was swinging his arm like a Steffi Graf forehand at playing partner Phil Mickelson. Phil didn’t seem like he wanted to be high fived quite that hard, ta very much, but made up for his lack of hand slap commitment by making his eyes bulge wildly and whoopin’ instead.

It all finishes tomorrow - if you enjoy watching golfers making names for themselves, cracking under the pressure, or pulling out of high fives to save their valuable, valuable hands, take the day off. It’s going to be good.

Links
- Harry Pearson Ryder Cup preview
- Six great moments from The Guardian
- 14 1/2 great moments from The Times.
- Will Buckley on Europe captain Nick Faldo

Appealing 101

admin — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 06:34:00 +0000

Links on Friday (on Saturday)

admin — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 23:44:00 +0000

Big time Basketball guy LeBron James gets his arse handed to him in a trick shot contest by some guy. He’s smiling, but he’s not happy.

Another reason to save pennies for a Wii - Beach Cricket. Still, XBox has Left 4 Dead… lucky I can play Doom on my Mac, eh? At least there’s some cool weapons.

Lazy Pommy journo in trusting Wikipedia shock - nice takedown on B3ta.

Never ever bloody anything ever. sportreview.net.nz lives their life by that rule.

Here’s my strongest Arsenal starting side - now tell me yours

admin — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 07:06:00 +0000

There’s very little going on today. Actually, apart from the news that Robin van Persie is in contract talks and the revelation that Theo Walcott didn’t actually want the #14 shirt there’s absolutely nothing going on.

Now, there’s not much I can say about those two stories so I thought I’d run through the squad and name the team (including substitutes) that I will be hoping starts the first match of the season. In other words, the strongest Arsenal side that is currently available. So here it is:

Manuel Almunia

Bacary Sagna Kolo Toure William Gallas (C) Gael Clichy

Theo Walcott Abou Diaby Cesc Fabregas Samir Nasri

Robin van Persie Emmanuel Adebayor

Subtitutes (7): Lukasz Fabianski, Johan Djourou, Alex Song, Denilson, Jack Wilshere, Carlos Vela, Nicklas Bendtner.

As the title of my post says, this is the side that I would play for the first game of the season based on fitness and form. I think most people will agree with the bulk of the picks - with the most contentious areas likely to be the left and right wing and the second central-midfield slot next to Cesc Fabregas.

I’ve gone with Theo Walcott on the right because I think he’s ready to make an impact this season and he’s looked promising in pre-season thus far. Samir Nasri should start on the left simply because he was brought in to replace Alex Hleb and should be up to it.

As for the defensive midfield slot, I’ve gone for Abou Diaby over the likes of Denilson and Alex Song because he has more experience and physical presence and tends to use the ball better as well. Ideally I would like to see someone else come in to provide competition in this position but if this is how the squad looks when the transfer window slams shut then I think Diaby is the best fit.

When looking at the bench I’ve gone for players to cover a range of different positions. I still see Johan Djourou as a better player than Philippe Senderos while Song can play anywhere across the back and in midfield. Denilson is a sure thing while selecting Carlos Vela, Nicklas Bendtner and the precocious Jack Wilshere gives a huge amount of variety in attack.

As for the players that are currently out of action, I don’t think too many people will argue that both Tomas Rosicky and Eduardo will push very hard for a starting spot once they return to fitness. Their inevitable returns should ensure the likes of Walcott and Nasri as well as Adebayor and van Persie are well and truly on their toes throughout the early part of the season. Indeed, any consistently weak performances and they may find themselves benched.

So that’s about it. I think it’s a pretty good side - what do you think? Would you change anything? Let me know.

And of course - have a great weekend!

Have your say on Arsenal’s strongest starting side by leaving a comment.

Sagna loves Nasri, Wilshere promoted + Wednesday Poll

admin — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 07:00:00 +0000

A bit of Jack Wilshere, some Samir Nasri and the Wednesday Poll is what’s in store today before I rush off to the movies with the girl for a bit of mid-week relaxation.

First up, young Wilshere. I hastily mentioned in yesterday’s post that the 16-year-old Englishman has been rewarded with a spot in the first team this season by Arsene Wenger. Wilshere was given the #19 shirt vacated by Gilberto Silva as a result of his stunning pre-season performances.

As Neil Banfield - coach of the Arsenal reserve team - states:

“Jack was given the opportunity by the manager to go on the Austrian Training Camp, along with five others who have all done really well. Jack has taken his chance, and he is one of quite a few we have here that we have high hopes for.”

It’s another great example of the message that Wenger tries to put across that if you’re good enough, you’re old enough. And everything we’ve seen thus far suggests that Wilshere is more than good enough.

A couple of the Arsenal blogs have cleverly pointed out that with the new ’seven substitutes’ rule coming into effect this season it could be the perfect platform for Wilshere to make a name for himself. Either way, the inclusion in the first team squad should be a huge pat on the back and boost of confidence for a kid who is still yet to finish school. Well done to him.

Next up today are some comments from everybody’s favourite braid-wearing right-back, Bacary Sagna. The Frenchman has been speaking about Arsenal’s chances for next season as well as the impact that new signing Samir Nasri could have for the club. In his own words:

“Samir is a very good player and we are lucky to have signed him. I have played alongside him in the French national team. I believe he will show everyone he can play very well and will find his place in the Arsenal team.”

My personal opinion is that Nasri is going to fit in a lot quicker than people think. There’s little doubt in my mind that with Tomas Rosicky still recovering from his surgery Nasri will start the season as the first-choice left-winger and I think he’s going to do a mighty fine job. I’m not expecting miracles, just consistency, and I think the Frenchman is definitely going to be up to the task.

Now the bit you’ve been waiting for… the Wednesday Poll. Hurrah! I try to keep things interesting with regards to the poll and again I’m quite happy with this one. Observe:

Has Adebayor won your heart back yet?
	Yep, most definitely.
	No, still got a lot more to do.
	He’ll never win my heart back!
	I never had a problem with him in the first place

Web Polls

That’s it for today. Just on the off chance that you’re interested in what movie I’m off to tonight it’s a Brazilian flick called ‘Mutum’ that I’m watching at the Brisbane International Film Festival. I’ll let you know if it turns out to be any good tomorrow.

Cheers!

Have your say on Wilshere’s promotion, Sagna’s Nasri comments or the Wednesday Poll by leaving a comment.

Xabi Alonso the final piece? + Arsenal squad review

admin — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 06:53:00 +0000

Hello there, happy Tuesday to you all. I know it’s not the best day of the week - heck, I’d say it’s probably the worst - but what can you do other than try and enjoy it? My sentiments exactly. Anyhoo, moving on…

It seems that Arsenal have made a move for Liverpool midfielder Xabi Alonso. According to reports Arsene Wenger has made an inital approach for the Spaniard with the hope of having his £18 million valuation reduced to something around £10.5 million - the amount that Liverpool paid Real Sociedad four years ago. Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez, however, is adament that Alonso will not be going anywhere unless Arsenal fork out the dough.

Speaking after his side’s win over Rangers on the weekend, Benitez said:

“I don’t think it will be easy [for him to leave]. The value of Alonso in the market will be really high. We are really pleased with him and we don’t want him to go unless we get a very good price.”

With Gareth Barry almost certain of moving from Aston Villa to Liverpool it’s understandable that Benitez and the club want to get as much as they can for Alonso. But is he worth £18 million? It’s hard to say.

On one hand he’s 26, in the prime of his career and already seasoned Premiership player. On the other, if Barry comes in to replace Alonso then Liverpool will have a player who will be on the fringes and who - you would have to think - would be looking for a change.

Should he look over for a moment and see the gaping hole in Arsenal’s midfield and the huge opportunity for him then I think he might look to move. Liverpool won’t want an unsettled player and while Wenger might not want to pay £18 million for the Spaniard I can definitely see him forking out £12-13 million for him.

Personally I think it’s going to happen. Call it a hunch, call it whatever you want, but I think Alonso will be Wenger’s last signing this summer. And a mighty good one it will be. Indeed, should Alonso’s move go through then I think Arsenal will have a stronger squad than they had last season.

In goals, Manuel Almunia spent most of last season trying to prove that he was a more able goalkeeper than the outwardly vocal Jens Lehmann. He eventually won, rewarded with the Number One jersey and the knowledge that he will start this season as the undisputed first-choice goalkeeper.

In defence the personnel is exactly the same as last time around but the crucial fact is that each and every player is a year older. That means William Gallas and Kolo Toure’s partnership will be stronger, Philippe Senderos and Johan Djourou will have more vital experience under the belts and Gael Clichy and Bacary Sagna… well… there’s really nothing to worry about there!

Time is also a big factor with regards to the midfielders Wenger has at his disposal. Arsenal may have lost Alex Hleb and Mathieu Flamini but I’d argue that the signings of Samir Nasri, Xabi Alonso (if it goes ahead) and Aaron Ramsey combined with the continued development of Denilson, Abou Diaby and Theo Walcott means the squad have more depth and quality than last time around. There’s more variety too, something that will become vital as Wenger tries to balance his Premier League and Champions League challenges.

There is always the possibility that Alonso’s move does not go through and if that proves to be the case then Wenger needs to look at other options to plug that central midfield hole. It’s not vital to the starting team - indeed, I’m confident that Diaby can start in there - but it is vital to the depth and overall quality of the squad.

Update: I should add in here the revelation that is Jack Wilshere. 16 years old and has just been rewarded with a spot in the first team. Outstanding stuff.

Up front there is absolutely nothing to worry about. Vitally, Emmanuel Adebayor has decided to stay and should he remain fit then there is huge potential in him forming an awesome partnership with Robin van Persie. The few times the pair got to play together last season they were highly effective and some of the combination play they exhibited against Real Madrid suggests the pair are ready for a big year.

As for reserves, I’d argue that no other club in Europe has as much depth and variety in attack as Arsenal do. Nicklas Bendtner is a year older and looks ready to play a big part this season, Carlos Vela has shown he can also be relied upon while Eduardo will return around Christmas and give the side the deadly finisher they lacked at crucial points last season.

So all in all I think things are looking pretty darn good. To be completely honest, just writing all that has got me bloody excited! I hope reading it has made you feel the same way.

Before I go today I want to mention a couple of exciting Arsenal FC Blog-related bits.

Firstly, for all those that have been asking - I have finally set up a Premier League Fantasy Football league for all the readers of the blog. The code you will need to enter is 647594-126298 and you can join the league here. For everyone who entered last season you should be automatically invited back in again.

Secondly, after some careful negotiations my good friends at Pikum have come up with a special offer for the readers of this blog. They’re giving away a no strings attached £10 for users to throw around on any of the pikums that I have set up. They’ve also been nice enough to throw a bonus £15 in the pot for the Arsenal v West Brom Pikum that I have set up for Round One of the Premier League. Check out all the details here.

For those that don’t know, Pikum! is a really cool social betting site where you try and pick results on all sorts of sporting events. In their own words: “Pikum is a fun game you can play with friends, co-workers, or fellow fans to see who’s best at answering the question… What’s going to happen?”. For more details go to their website here. I should also remind you that you don’t have to bet with real money, you can bet just for fun as well.

OK - that’s it. Thanks for reading and have a smashing Tuesday.

Have your say on Xabi Alonso or the Arsenal squad by leaving a comment.

League commentator actually shuts up for 5 seconds

admin — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 03:54:00 +0000

SRPA: The Rugby League world was rocked today by 5 seconds of silence from Brisbane Rugby League commentator Dickie “Barracuda” McDagstead. A full 5 seconds’ silence went to air on McDagstead’s watch during the weekend’s Roosters v Broncos match, each second a bombshell to the heart of the proud winter code.

League fans wasted no time lighting up talkback switchboards in disgust. “I had no idea if this encounter was bruising, epic, or just plain huge.” said Broncos fan “Stumpy” Hodges, speaking from the East Brisbane RSL. “I mean, there were things happening, and they weren’t being described in unnecessarily intricate detail. Where was the big call? Where? I’ve never been so scared”.

Retired commentary great Roy “Boomer” Stretchtrouser lamented the modern commentator’s lack of standards, pointing to his 53 year career of uninterrupted incomprehensible drivel. “This Wouldn’t Have Happened in My Day. I Was Being Shelled By Japanese Subs Moored In Sydney Harbor, And Still Shouted ‘Jenkins-Barrington’ 34 Times During A Runaway Intercept Try. These Cowboys Today Have No Idea.”

McDagstead, who may be in breach of his contract with Channel 9, apologised immediately, admitting a dropped sausage roll played a key role in Silencegate. “I Took My Eye Off The Ball” said McDagstead. “Ohhhhhhhhhhh, It’s A Tragedy.”

Logos with balls

admin — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 02:47:00 +0000

Cricket With Balls’ Jrod bemoans the similarity of UK Sky Sports’ Cricket logo with the Major League Baseball one.

Sat at the Mac trying to find something to fuck around with when I should be writing, I fired up Photoshop:

Them apples. You like?

Bentley enjoys immediate Spurs impact

admin — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 11:40:00 +0000

David Bentley has vowed to light up White Hart Lane just like his boyhood hero Paul Gascoigne.

And just two days into his Tottenham career we have already been handed a sneak preview of the ability our new signing has to carry the torch of our progression under Juande Ramos.

His words in the press have been refreshing. The 23 year-old speaks with passion about returning “home” to Spurs, the club he grew up near and who his best mates fanatically support.

He has banished any of his Arsenal roots claiming he cannot wait to grace the turf in his first ever north London derby on October 29 when he dreams of scoring the winner at the Emirates.

His ambitions do not stop there either. Bentley says Spurs can achieve anything the players set their mind to - in reference to gate crashing the Premier League’s domineering top four.

But maybe the most exciting prospect of Bentley’s arrival is his intention live up to his big money price tag and entertain us in the same way as Gazza. He has vowed to dazzle for a club he says has “a place in his heart”.

So Bentley passed the first test with flying colours revving up the engine ahead of a new season and increasing optimism just days after it threatened to come crashing down with the departure of Robbie Keane.

But as has been proved so many times in the past words are cheap and it is ultimately performances on the pitch rather than promises in the media centre which will determine his success.

And Bentley didn’t do too badly in that department either. The right winger took no time at all in opening his Spurs account, scoring in only his first 45 minutes for the club, in last night’s 2-0 win over Celtic in the Jubilee Trophy.

It may have been a tap in but the England hopeful offered much more on an encouraging Spurs debut. His ability to deliver consistent quality balls in and the around penalty shone through even in the infancy of his Tottenham career, and we can expect much more of the same from the hungry wide man as the season gets underway.

All in all, you can be none other than pleased with the addition of Bentley to our ranks this week. His signing ticks all the boxes with only a question mark hanging over the ‘value for money’ column.

Maybe we have paid slightly over the odds for our new man but we can thank Arsenal’s 40% sell on clause for that atrocity.

To be quite honest I couldn’t care how much we paid for Bentley this summer if he proves to be a success on the pitch. If he can provide us with the lack of with and delivery into the box we have been missing over the past few seasons, it will be money well spent.

Bentley may also be the answer to getting the best from his main competitor for a starting spot, Aaron Lennon.

The former Leeds man has flattered to deceive in recent months but the arrival of a possible successor to his throne on the right side of the Spurs midfield may yet produce the finest form of his young career.

This is not all Bentley can add. If he can take us to the next level, score the winner against Arsenal and fill the void as the club’s next Gazza, who cares if we paid £15 million for the pleasure.

By the winger’s own admission, he has a heck of a lot to prove next season but there is all the evidence to suggest he has the bit between the teeth to be a hit at White Hart Lane.

Forget the past, you are Spurs now. Let’s see what you’re made of…

Links on Friday

admin — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 21:13:00 +0000

I never really warmed to Robbie Keane - I always suspected he’d be crap at Kareoke. He’s no Chris n Glen, put it that way. He’s not even a Gazza

More Tour De France pictures? OK

Will Ferrell accepts Tiger’s ESPY. I’ve already written my ‘half-arse blogger of the year’ award speech ready, you know. Just in case, like

If you get telemarketing calls, you should do this

Arsenal 3-1 Stuttgart + Bischoff signing won’t be the last

admin — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 07:10:00 +0000

Although only a pre-season riendly, last night’s impressive 3-1 win over Stuttgart suggests that things are ticking along quite nicely for Arsenal. The game marked the debut of new signing Samir Nasri and Arsene Wenger gave the Frenchman as well as a host of other senior players their first pre-season runouts.

The starting team included Manuel Almunia behind a very strong back four of Bacary Sagna, Johan Djourou, William Gallas - whose captaincy skills were backed by Cesc Fabregas and the manager before the match - and Gael Clichy. Denilson was surprisingly paired with Emmanuel Eboue in the centre of the park, flanked on the right and left by Theo Walcott and Nasri respectively with Robin van Persie and Emmanuel Adebayor starting up front.

I think it’s fair to say that the bigger name players were a little sluggish and lethargic in the first half - understandable given that most had only recently returned to training. Van Persie should have scored from a one-on-one situation with ex-Arsenal keeper Jens Lehmann while Walcott had a close range effort excellently saved by the same player. Aside from that, things were a little flat.

Indeed, it was not until the destroyers of Burgenland - Nicklas Bendtner and Carlos Vela - were brought on at the break that Arsenal’s attack began to click into gear. Even despite the changes it was Stuttgart who took the lead when Yildiray Basturk capitalised on some lose marking by Djourou to shoot through the defender’s legs and past Lukasz Fabianski.

But from that point on it was all Arsenal as Vela, Bendtner and fellow substitute Jack Wilshere all scored second-half goals.

The first involved a lovely pass from Bendtner and a neat bit of control and finishing from Vela, with both players switching roles for the second. The game was put beyond doubt when some lovely tenacity and skill from Gael Clichy allowed 16-year-old Wilshire to fire home a crisp shot.

You can see all the goals and highlights here.

All in all, it was another very encouraging performance from Arsenal. While the big guns were a little off the pace there is little doubt that they will come good once they get more training under their belts. What is encouraging are the recent performances from the players who are genuinely on the fringes of the first-team. Guys like Bendtner, Vela, Wilshere and Walcott are doing really well and their efforts will give the manager a welcome headache regarding his starting team for the first game of the season.

Following the match Wenger singled out the performances of both Vela and Bendtner as well as admitting that while he does not feel the need to sign another striker, he still feels Arsenal are one player short of the what they require for this season:

“Vela is integrating very well into the team. Bendtner was already a force at the end of last season and he will confirm that this year. Overall, we are still maybe one player short. But up front we don’t need anybody.”

Regarding the comment about not needing any more strikers, I totally agree. There is absolutely no need for Wenger to sign any more attacking players. Van Persie is world-class, Adebayor and Eduardo (when fit) are wonderful contributors to the side, Bendtner is a season older and stronger while Vela - as the manager says - is integrating well. Add to that the likes of Walcott, new signing Nasri and of course Tomas Rosicky and I think things are looking pretty good up top.

What is interesting about Wenger’s comments about being ‘one player short’ is that they came even after the announcement of the signing of Portuguese midfielder Amaury Bischoff - which suggests to me that there is more to come from Wenger. Whether it’s a midfielder or a defender who is brought in I’m not too sure, but I am pretty certain that Bischoff’s signing will not be the last. As always, we’ll have to wait and see what happens.

Just on Bischoff, it’s hard to know what sort of role he is set for this season. He’s been given the #28 shirt by Wenger and drafted straight into the first-team squad. I’ve little doubt that if Wenger thinks he’s good enough for Arsenal then he probably is, but I do get the feeling it will be something of a learning year for the Portuguese player.

So that’s about it. An impressive win over a decent side and a new signing - not bad for a day’s work. See you tomorrow.

Have your say on Arsenal v Stuttgart or the signing of Bischoff by leaving a comment.

The trade changed

admin — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 17:33:00 +0000

It's not Kontos and Coke, but Karstens and McCutchen going to Pittsburgh. This definitely makes it look better from Pitt's side, as McCutchen is a fairly high ceiling pitcher, and Karstens already has shown he can be an effective ML pitcher. Both should do better in the NL Central as well.

- The trade (unfortunately) overshadowed the best game of Joba's career. His slider was darting and diving, his fastall averaged 95 mph, and he even tossed in a few nice curveballs and changeups. Did he throw at Youkilis? Probably. Did Youkilis run over his dog or something? Maybe. I remember when Pedro put two Yankees in the hospital in the same game. Until Joba does that, he's ok in my book.

Yanks trade Tabata and others for Marte and Nady

admin — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 01:32:00 +0000

The full deal is Jose Tabata, Ross Ohlendorf, George Kontos and Phil Coke. Damaso Marte is an excellent lefty specialist, while Nady is a decent rightfielder. At first glance, I'm not happy.

Nady is having an extraordinarily good season, well out of line with his career averages. His 2008 looks like this: .330/.383/.535 (142 OPS+). Certainly a great season, but Pittsburgh is trading high; his career line is a slightly above average: .281/.337/.456 (108 OPS+). Range Factor shows him to be an above-average rightfielder. He's 29, so is at the peak of his career; it will probably all be downhill after this season. Nady is fairly versatile, having played 3b, 1b, and all three outfield positions in his career. However, with Abreu entrenched in RF, where does Nady play? Left-field, where he hasn't played since 2007 (when he played just 10 games there)?

Marte is an excellent lefty reliever, owning a career 141 ERA+, with 484 strikeouts in 454.1 innings. He absolutely owns lefties: .578 career OPS against them. What about 2008? Not quite as dominant: a .669 OPS against left-handed batters. Is that an aberration? It might be, because in 2007 he destroyed lefties - they had a .352 OPS against him. Ironically, Marte was with the Yanks for half a season before being traded for Enrique Wilson in 2001.

According to Cot's, Marte has a team option for $6 million next year, which will likely be exercised. Nady (as far as I can tell) is arbitration eligible.

Frankly, I don't understand the move because the bullpen is the strongest area of the team right now. Marte might be great, but he also might block guys like Cox, Melancon and Horne who deserve chances once they show they're ready (which should be soon). Both players are at or past their prime, and Nady is having a career year. The Yanks are buying high on Nady and selling low on Tabata and Ohlendorf (who are both having poor years).

Nady won't play his natural position of right-field because of Abreu, so where is he going to play? He hasn't played LF in over a year, so will he be expected to jump right into Yankee Stadium's spacious leftfield? Now that I think about it, he might be the 1b replacement for Richie Sexson, and occasional leftfielder.

- That was the Yanks best start of the year... after Wang's complete game shutout in Fenway of course. Just an incredible game by Joba. THAT'S why he became a starter: 7 ip, 3 h, 0 r, 1 bb, 9 k.

- Back from the dead, Carl Pavano is making a minor league start on Tuesday for the GCL Yankees. Monday will see Phil Hughes also make his first rehab start.

The Final Five

admin — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 15:47:00 +0000

Crain's Chicago Business has identified the Final Five bidders for the Cubs. They are:

Mark Cuban
Tom Ricketts
Hersch Klaff
Leo Hindery
Michael Tokarz/Fred Malek

The final two on the list are combining their previously individual bids. Unless something outlandish occurs, the Cubs new owner is likely on the above list.

It's just too bad none of them look like Tricia Helfer.